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It's not a New Year I'm celebrating.. Nothing about Sat, Sun, will be any different from today. I won't drink myself into excitement over the same Sun rising and setting, I won't look for anyone to hug or kiss.. I celebrate a new found mindset, my resolutions have been met long before the ball drops. I celebrate being able to finally let go of the people I once considered friends, the relationships I gave my heart and life to, and realizing the society and majority of the people who reside in it lives against my ideas of what life and love means, that gives me the motivation to now realize at the end of the day people live for themselves, and no amount of support, concern, or care will ever change that. I celebrate knowing that love is a war of self... that truth is a delicate fiber that few are able to hold onto, Realizing that everyone loves my heart, but fears the pain that surfaces from it. I celebrate my ability to transform myself into everything I always imagined myself to be, to express without concern and feel without fear... to no longer be affected by the deceit and underlying intentions of others... to no longer force myself into situations of being pulled apart because I didn't recognize my own faults. This isn't a new me... it's the same me that was born on October 28th 1980, then slowly affected by false ideologies, I became a person who lost myself then began searching for myself through others, hoping someone would recognize the person trapped in a shell and fight to see him free..I lost time, resources, and myself through this journey... but it was one that was required for me to become who I am now. If you consider me weak, I challenge you to match my strength... because at this point, ego aside... I feel there is no man alive who can stand as proud in the middle of this storm as I.... this is how we should all see ourselves.. Not as NEW but as refreshed... to face loneliness with an open heart and pain with an open wound, to face reality with an open mind... to love those who don't love themselves, and grab the hand of those who truly seek the life you wish to create, but keep a free hand to let go of those who see you as a step to reach their own intentions and continue your own climb. I've been used, manipulated, lied to... and exhausted of the care my heart fights to express, In my desire for being accepted I neglected my own needs under false pretenses and a living dream that I couldn't allow myself to awake from. I didn't realize the struggles life placed in front of me were not of regrets or poor choices... they were alarms to help me awake... I didn't recognize the calling.. I continued to look for someone to fight a battle I thought I couldn't win... so the more I searched for soldiers on the battlefield the more battles I lost because I never planned my own victory without the need of supportive reinforcements. They used my ammunition until it was empty and left me on the frontline to face the incoming fire. It wasn't until then I stood alone in the middle of the war and saw everything in perfect view. I died a thousand times, and every time I was revived I failed to realized it was of my own strength... I was selective in my words because I feared my strength would be questioned.. this only made me weaker and exposed to those who needed my shield to win their own battles. I get it now. Love is not real, it's a perceptive temperament of the individual human mind. It's changes meaning daily depending on our selective needs and wants. What's real is the soul, but one cannot live through this mean without risking losing inhibitions of selfless desires.

To be continued on Jan 31st